ANDI BLACK: MY STORY
As a child, I endured my parents’ divorce – the fighting, the silence, and all of the conflicted emotions that encompass a child when placed in the middle of parental discord.
These enormous stresses as a 6-year old were a huge part of the building blocks that formed the woman I was to become. True to the term, I brought this emotional “baggage” along (my fears of abandonment, innate mistrust and need to please) with me as I entered into each budding romantic relationship. I now know that this early relational trauma also provided me with some incredible qualities that help me today in my work with others. These qualities include my innate intuition, compassion, connection and kindness – all of which I am so grateful for. As a divorcee myself, I’ve been resolute to be fair and to maintain a true partnership with my ex in parenting – despite our marital differences. My now-adult children are all the better for it today.
Early on, I began to sing; I sang almost before I could speak. I found when I performed, I connected with people, gained praise and felt really special. It was this talent (and these traits) that actually led me to my first husband.
The Long + Winding Road to Love
Today, I have 3 fabulous children who are thriving and living wonderful, successful lives. The road from that little frightened 6-year old to here was fraught with unexpected change and many leaps of faith.
During my teenage years, I was enamored with men + romantic relationships, placing extreme importance on feeling loved and filling the void that I felt as a result of my parent’s split.
My early love of music led to meeting my first husband; a famous singer who I met when I sang backup in his band. We married when I was 19, still really a child myself. The wild rock and roll life at 19 was fun, but as I matured and began to think about family, I realized this wasn’t a safe, stable life for a child or for myself. My need to not only create but to maintain stability and safety, eventually meant that I had to leave my husband and that lifestyle behind.
I’ve been fortunate in that finding romantic love has never been challenging for me. Love has always been my driving force and primary goal as I’ve gone through life. However, with each new beginning came an eventual end. Transitioning from being a couple to living and being a single person is never easy; this can be more daunting as we get older and have more acquired fears than we did in our teens and ‘20’s.
With each breakup, I’ve had to learn and re-learn resilience and tenacity. These are not traits that I was born with, but rather survival skills that have been honed out of necessity over the years.
If you are here, you may be questioning your relationship and wondering where you will get the strength and fortitude to either dig in and make changes to save your relationship or to reach the decision that it may be time to let go. Either path will be a conscious choice and one that will require work. I am living, breathing proof that it can be done.
But where do you begin? The first step is right here.
I’ve been many things to many people in my life; I think we can all say that to some degree. A daughter, a sister, a mother, a partner, a boss, a victim, a reality show star, a professional singer and a healer. I wear each of those hats proudly, choosing to believe that even the bad has led me further down my path to healing myself and others.
As any adult knows, it becomes necessary to reinvent your life when you experience a significant breakup. When you go through the loss of a long-term partner whose life has been completely intertwined with yours, leaving is complicated and can be messy.
Moving on isn’t simple. It’s a process that may involve living arrangements, family, children, possessions and friends. When you move on from a person and the life you’ve shared and built together, you embark upon the rebuilding and re-discovery of your SELF.
This can be painful, lonely and frightening. Starting over can feel more difficult at 35 than at 25, moreso at 40, 45 and older. It takes years to establish trusting relationships with new friends, step children and social circles. Removing oneself and embarking on the road toward the unknown is frightening and a step that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
I know. I’ve traveled this road many times.
So, how did I do it?
Ten years ago, I made a conscious effort to practice making more mindful choices. Resisting the urge to lean into the familiar and comfortable (which had proven over and over to be unhealthy), I opened myself up to mindfully coupling with a different sort of partner.
After years of financial ups and downs, moves, upheavals and tremendous adventures, I can finally say that I am in a committed, stable, loving relationship with a true partner who supports my independence, nurtures my soul and makes me feel truly and unconditionally loved.
This is not the type of man I would have chosen in my younger years. Due to my early childhood trauma, I sought out a certain type. Breaking that pattern was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Leaving your comfort zone is never easy, but as you will learn from our sessions, this is where true growth happens.
As a result of my conscious DAILY practices, in these last ten years, I have had tremendous personal and professional worlds open up to me. Where before I was fearful and insecure, I now take risks and have confidence. From my harmonious love relationship with my partner to nurturing the delicate relationships between our 5 children to creating and growing a (Hair Care) Beauty Supply company as a CEO, to starring on a Bravo reality show and appearing on QVC, I can truly say my method of personal growth and recovery works.
Next Steps: What can we accomplish together?
I have taken my life experience and created a coaching approach that is more directive, advice-giving, and behavioral rather than traditional coaching for a faster paced, results-driven process.
My coaching services are for both individuals and couples; here we will incorporate therapeutic and behavioral techniques and advice tailored to your specific situation.
We will tackle issues such as bouncing back from a disappointing breakup, dating with intent to find a serious committed relationship, and increasing relationship satisfaction for couples that want more joy in their love lives.
Bottom line: you deserve to have a partner that makes you feel appreciated, attractive, validated, and understood. You deserve a safe and secure relationship in which you can trust your partner, rely on him/her, and know that your needs will be met. You deserve a relationship in which you feel like you matter, that you’re part of a team, and that you feel loved.
Your love life is complicated.
Things such as personal and family history, the messages you’ve internalize since childhood, the negative patterns that you unconsciously repeat, your vulnerabilities, fears, and “baggage” that you bring into your relationship, and the emotional rollercoaster of frustration, disenchantment and rejection that occurs in dating and breakups is a lot to handle.
Happily ever after doesn’t just happen.
It takes constant effort and often-times hard work for you to balance being teammates, roommates, and lovers. Your ability to communicate, manage conflict, and grow together is hampered when you can’t function effectively as a couple.
Good thing you don’t have to figure it all out on your own!
I’m here to give you the knowledge, skill set and best practices it takes to develop and maintain a rewarding relationship.
You can’t be an expert on everything. When you need help with your taxes, you go to an accountant, when you need help losing weight, you seek a trainer, so when you want to have the love life you’ve always desired, you come to me—a credentialed Love Expert.
Because this will be a collaborative and interactive relationship, here’s what I’m looking for in my clients:
- Individuals/couples who despite feeling lost, know they are ready to take action with guidance and instruction
- Individuals/couples who are open to honest self-reflection, introspection and gaining insight into their past and current behaviors
- Individuals/couples who can take constructive feedback and are ready to ditch ineffective strategies and unhelpful routines
- Individuals/couples who will make our work together a priority by showing up for appointments, completing assignments and implementing new skills
- Individuals/couples who are motivated, dedicated and committed to making changes in their love life
- Individuals/couples who are ready to grow and can confidently commit to this process
My goal is to help you create a relationship full of connection, intimacy, and affection.
Whether you’re single and looking for your perfect match, or you’ve already found your special someone but could use support in maintaining a successful relationship, I’m here to help.
If you’re ready to implement the skills it takes to cook up a happy love life, click on a button below, where you’ll be directed to additional information and a form to contact me directly.